Eat your heart out, Tinder

Apr 28, 2014, 12:00 AM

I first encountered Tinder fall quarter of this year, as one of my roommates started to gush about the awkward conversations she kept having with people on the dating app. I had just broken up with a long-term boyfriend and felt strange about Internet dating in general, so I listened but remained unconvinced that it was for me. But alas, I am a college girl, and sometimes you just need that ego boost, so I joined. What I found was both fascinating and terrible. Imagine someone comes up to you in the HUB or on the street somewhere and says, “Want to hear a joke about my penis? Oh never mind, it’s too long,” or “I think I can make you feel pretty damn good, wanna let me try?” or “You’re pretty, do you have other pics? Wanna trade? I have some I think you may like.” You would be a little uncomfortable, no? But this isn’t in public, this is the Internet, and objectification runs rampant when all anyone can see is a picture and a description. Look, I don’t think that the times have changed much. Women have been objectified, turned into sexual objects, for a very long time. When I brought up this topic with a teacher from high school that I’m close with, she said that when she was younger, boys used to pass notes to her that said things like, “Leanne, do you want to ____ me?” You can guess what the blank means. Social media and the Internet have not made women more objectified. It just seems to be on a larger scale because the gratification is instant. I’ll give you an example, in addition to the lovely opening lines I listed above. Back when I first started the app, I was thinking that yeah, maybe something good could come out of it; I had heard success stories. So when a nice guy started talking to me, I freely gave out my number. We texted for a few minutes, nothing exciting, and I informed him I was going to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I was bombarded with a number of text messages that went exactly like this: Shirtless picture, “You can’t just get what you want and run,” picture of limp penis framed by awkward hands and a television on in the background, “Ok. Don’t text me back,” “Delete my number,” and “You’re just another boring cock tease.” I was confused. Had I somehow provoked this series of text messages? Was I to blame? Could it be true? Was I just another boring tease? The answer to all of these questions was obviously no. Somehow this is normal on the Internet, while in the “real world,” it would be unacceptable. I would consider this harassment, unprovoked and sexualized. But that’s just how Tinder works, apparently. I’m sure that some of you may be thinking: Well, what do you expect? Tinder is a hook-up app. I realize that, to some extent. The point is to meet people who think you’re hot and want to hook up with you. I have plenty of friends who use it exclusively for that. But just because it’s an app doesn’t mean my standards have changed. Objectification is wrong, and consent is necessary for any type of sexualized actions. There are ways to meet people to have sex with (or whatever you’re interested in) without being overtly objectifying. Newsflash, people: You don’t have to say “How bout I stick my ---- inside of you” to get someone to have sex with you. A normal conversation, a compliment, something less obvious, may work more in your favor. Reach opinion writer Haylee Millikan at opinion@dailyuw.com. Twitter: @hayleemaid

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