Editor’s note: Some words contain elements of sexual aggression.
It’s quite a paradox that sex — a supposedly pleasurable activity — can be most memorable when bad. I did some digging and asked our fellow Huskies via social media what their worst sex story is. Here's what they said:
“One time, this girl went all the way down on it and gagged and threw up on it,” an anonymous heterosexual male student said. “It was a hookup, but I was so shocked. She grabbed a tissue and cleaned up and then missed the trash can. [Then] we tried to go back and do some stuff … in which she almost [threw up] again five minutes after. We did the deed, but it was not as enjoyable because … my schmeat got thrown up on.”
Throwing up during head, a tale as old as time. Maybe she just really hated giving that blowjob.
“I was having sex and I realized a few minutes in that I was feeling much more raw … and it kind of hurt,” an anonymous bisexual female student, said. “I didn’t want to interrupt because I didn’t want my partner to have to stop enjoying it. I think my reluctance to say anything at the expense of my partner’s enjoyment is something women deal with more than men.”
Sex sometimes becomes a task. My form of pleasure is knowing I can satisfy my male sex partner’s needs, because I already know it is less likely that I finish.
“I came really fast once and then fell asleep and it was really awkward for a little [while],” an anonymous heterosexual male student said. “I didn’t know if she was ever mad because I never asked her about it and I think there was no communication and I was really embarrassed afterwards.”
Even in my own personal experience, some men have apologized for “finishing too quickly,” and it confuses me why. Some women take it as a compliment and even worry that their partners aren’t enjoying the experience if they take longer than expected to finish. Maybe the awkwardness wasn’t because you finished in record-time, but because there was a lack of reciprocation.
How you treat your partner, one-night-stand or not, should be respectful — no matter how embarrassed you are of your performance.
“We were both high and everything was dry,” an anonymous female student said.
High sex, I heard, feels ineffably magical. This story might stop me from trying it ever, though.
On the topic of dry: a dry condom can hurt pretty bad too. What’s even worse? A lost condom.
“Well, first we were fucking with a condom on,” an anonymous straight male student said.
“The room was hella dark so I couldn’t see. After a bit, I came, as one would do, with the condom still on obviously. But, PLOT TWIST I pulled out and it was gone. While we’re showering I’m like, “Bro, are u sure it’s not inside you?!” Then she’s like, “Yeah I don't feel anything.” But then she like digs around for a bit and LOW AND BEHOLD ITS FUCKING IN THERE. SO SHE PULLS IT OUT AND ITS ALL RED AND WHITE AND PINK AND I’M LIKE GROSS.”
Something that came out of a woman’s vagina should not be considered gross. That condom was on you before it got fished out of her.
Every awkward sex situation can be a learning experience or even a funny party story, honestly.
“Please never use teeth when you give head,” an anonymous male student said.
I think this advice goes both ways when it comes to cunnilingus.
At the end of the day, unless your parents saw you lose your V-card, most of us are introduced to sex at a later age, without the help of older figures in our lives.
Building an enjoyable experience in the bedroom is not something that is talked about enough.
Our sexual journeys are some of the most definitive, yet sometimes traumatizing moments of our adulthood. For example, I might still be terrified of sex because of the way it has made me feel like a medium for male pleasure in the past. Nobody should fear sex.
While a few of the aforementioned stories might have comedic value, I empathize with those who shared their more heartbreaking memories.
“[He] moved me like a rag doll telling me short orders of ‘stand up’ or ‘get on your side’ in addition to refusing to use lube, saying if there wasn’t enough ‘natural lubricant’ already, I didn’t want him enough,” an anonymous female student said. “Also, he loved telling me it was my vagina’s fault for his positions not working. He gave performance reviews in the form of ‘constructive criticism’ on areas that could use improvement in his opinion. Also his head was mid [as fuck]. Don’t be manipulative and make your girlfriends feel like they are making mistakes and being judged. Don’t have an ego because it was mid and he was way overconfident in his skills to say the least.”
How can we prevent these sex horror stories?
We should never make assumptions about what feels good for our partners. Talking about sex should be a prerequisite to taking your pants off. After all, both people are naked and vulnerable in the bedroom.
Ordering someone around (without pre-discussed preference) only comes from a selfish seeking of pleasure, and, it should go without saying, you are not the pornstar that you think you are.
Wouldn’t you rather check in during the deed than it be too awkward to face your bedroom partner after a terrible time? Approaching sex with an open mindset can ensure a better time for both participants.
You can’t make mistakes in consensual sex, whether it’s finishing “too fast,” losing a condom, or even throwing up on your partner’s dick — why feel embarrassed for trying?
I can’t imagine a worse feeling than my partner shaming me when I was hoping both of us could have some erotic fun. Sure, sex can be a little awkward at times, but it is a primal activity that calls us to be stripped of our egos and focus on pure pleasure.
So, maybe we can’t completely prevent the sex horror stories, but we can learn to accept them and normalize that not all sexy times have fairytale endings — as long as you are respecting your bedroom partners.
So, cheers to the real sexual experience: physical vulnerability, unexpected occasions, and hopefully somewhere in there, actually enjoying sex.
Reach writer Jennie Jeon at opinion@dailyuw.com. Twitter: @jenniejeonn
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